Continuing the countdown from where we left off, we move into the top 20. Here is 20-11 in the Noughties cultural countdown of wonder and enlightenment. Enjoy!
20. Celebrity Chefs. Whether it’s Gordon and his mouth dirtier than a German pornstar, Jamie saving our youth, or Delia falling apart at football matches; this has been the decade of celebrity chefs. Not that we watch them for recipes anymore. We watch for sheer entertainment, or at least the promise of said entertainment. Oh yes, and generally a lot of swearing.
19. Credit Crunch. I always knew that the bankers were a bunch of Cockney rhyming slang. They almost caused Armageddon. The world went into economic meltdown, but on the plus side estate agents had a tough time for a while. The economy is now back on the rise and city bankers will be sharing part of a 5 billion pound bonus come Christmas time. Proving once and for all they really are a bunch of “bankers”.
18. Jordan vs. Katie. Glamour model or business woman? Personally, I say neither and would rather never hear from her again. But we all know that’s unlikely unless they leave her in the jungle. Peter and Katie were meant to be the new Posh and Becks. Didn’t ever see it working, and unsurprisingly, it didn’t. They split the nation into the Katie faction and the Pandre camp. I have nothing against Peter, but I hope a Chinese style media blackout on their lives ensues.
17. Rehab. You’re not a real celebrity unless you check yourself into rehab. For any reason apparently; an Xfactor finalist (not even the winner) checked into rehab because she was tired. Oh diddums, maybe try going to sleep? I suppose Kate Moss is to thank for this trend. What a wonderful role model, she does drugs, but at least tries to atone before the next addiction sets in.
16. Roasting. I cannot believe this even made it into the countdown. Much like the dogging entry, I won’t try to explain it. But I will say it has nothing to do with Sunday dinner and has a lot to do with the illiterate millionaires populating the Premier League. It also raises the side-question, "what does that make a Yorkshire pudding?" but that would be going off on a tangent.
15. YouTube. An epic part of the 21st century here in this entry. Without YouTube, we would never have had Chocolate Rain, Numa Numa guy or the Star Wars kid. If you have something visual to share, you can now show the entire world in a matter of minutes. Just type in the words “Mentos and Coke” and just see what YouTube has given to us.
14. Strictly Come Dancing. Strictly used to be this boring and frumpy dancing program aimed at old biddies. Nowadays, Strictly is a glitzy and boring program aimed at old biddies and people who have nothing else to watch. How did they make the switch from frumpy to glitzy? It’s our Noughties buzzword; it was those ruddy celebrities again. Now for them to sort out the boring aspect of the show. I have a proposal of how to do this. Just axe the program and play Top Gear re-runs like on Dave. Surely there is a job at the Beeb that can harness my creative thought process.
13. Pandemics. It’s been quite the decade disease wise. We had our old friend Foot and Mouth pay us a visit, we had SARS, Bird Flu and more recently, Swine Flu. All of these global pandemics and are we scared? Are we my arse! Swine Flu got raised to a level 6 global pandemic and we still found it hilarious pretending to sneeze on public transport and watch every shuffle away from you. I salute the British sense of humour.
12. Mac vs. PC. The ongoing format war between Apple and the behemoth that is Microsoft has been waging fiercely these last ten years. You are either Mac or PC. Myself, I am ashamedly PC, but only because I cannot afford one of those beautiful Macbooks. I’m stuck with my glitchy, virus ridden Windows laptop, and can only gaze longingly into the wonderland that is the Apple Store. I’ve found that the stalwart PC fanboy generally hates the Mac user, but the Mac user looks down on the PC not with derision, but with pity. I know which side I want to be on, do you?
11. War on Terror. Yes! A war on terror. What is war? War is terror. Therefore a war on terror seems redundant. Effectively, it is a war against a specific ideology. We took out Saddam in an illegal war and we’re still hunting for that beardy bloke in a cave and the war wages endlessly on. They aren’t exactly technologically gifted. In fact I’m pretty sure their last video was made on Betamax, but they are undoubtedly gifted at hide and seek. Next on the radar is Iran because it sounds quite a bit like Iraq and has a bit of a nutter in charge.
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