Over halfway through the countdown of the most important cultural happenings of the last decade. Here is 30 – 21, enjoy! Or at least try.
30. Binge Drinking. We’ve had alcoholics about for what seems like an eternity. But thanks to more aggressive drinking and a considerably larger chunk of our loutish population taking part, the newspapers know they will never have a dry news day. With 24 hour licensing brought in to apparently stem binge drinking, it seems to be going from strength to strength. Oh joy, something else we have our parliament to thank for.
29. Celeb Brands. Do you want to smell like Paris? No, not the scent of the French capital. Who wants a fragrance based around, apparently, the most romantic city in the world? No, I’m talking about that flimsy excuse for a celebrity Ms Paris Hilton. On the plus side …. Nope. Can’t think of one. Maybe I’ll go with Insanity by Britney Spears instead.
28. The Wire. For a TV program that flopped spectacularly when it was broadcast, The Wire has certainly managed to gather itself quite a following now. It was one of those things everyone was talking about at one point. The first few episodes never failed to confuse you, the characters never failed to surprise you. It delivers a damning insight into the murky underbelly of America, much like Chatham on a Friday night.
27. Gossip Mags. OK, Hello, Gossip. Pages and pages of utter crap. This week we have a special into celebrities who sweat! It’s filled with things that aren’t good enough to qualify for a channel 4 documentary. Simply a waste of the trees cut down to make them. They would have been better used to make toilet paper. In fact, that’s what these magazines are, glossy toilet paper. Just try to avoid any paper cuts.
26. EMO. Or Goth lite, as I prefer to call them. They listen to Fallout Boy and the like and wear way to much makeup, especially the guys. I understand that this is the 21st century and guys can wear “guyliner”. Maybe it’s ok, because generally they have so much hair covering their eyes, it’s barely noticeable anyway. Cheer up you little buggars. The world’s not out against you! You always have next Halloween to look forward to.
25. Mobile Phones. One of the most important technical advances of recent times. Remember when the mobile phone was the size of a brick and had a massive battery pack to lug about? No, me neither. I was probably too busy playing with Lego and watching Transformers. But now your mobile phone is like a mini laptop, camera, MP3 player, Sat Nav, and portable games console, all rolled into one. Oh yes it also allows you to make phone calls too.
24. Posh Cider. It wasn’t too long ago that cider was the drink of choice for the tramps among us. Seeing a guy sitting on the pavement, gulping down a 3 litre bottle of White Lightning, wasn’t a rare sight. So how did the cider companies make cider a socially acceptable drink? Well, about £80 million pounds worth of marketing and deciding to use a tall glass filled with ice did the trick. How are tramps going to get hold of ice? Sorted.
23. Harry Potter. This fictional Latin spouting little bastard is making JK Rowling £5 every second of the day. They even released an adult version of the book! This isn’t an adult book, it’s quite clearly a kids book! Still JK isn’t complaining considering she’s about the ninth richest person on the planet. Where’s my pen? I have an idea.
22. Waxing. Just the thought of this makes me shiver. Now I have legs that are on the fluffy side, but do I want every hair ripped from my legs simultaneously? Absolutely not! I would like to have legs that are more on the naked side, but there are a few things I fear; Spiders, needles, Daleks and waxing. The hair grows back people! I think I’ll keep my yeti look for now. I’m not even going to think about more intimate stylings. Ladies who do this are clearly much more manly than me.
21. High School Musical. I’m not sure how to tackle this one. I’ve seen clips of this “phenomena”, but I can only watch them for about five seconds before a wave of nausea hits me and I have to have a lie down. One thing that HSM did give us was the most effective scandal cover up of all time. A certain selection of nudie pictures of one of the squeaky clean stars surfaced on the internet. Disney’s army of lawyers sprung into action and remarkably managed to achieve total damage control. If only the likes of Britney and Paris had these lawyers, gossip magazines would wither and die. If only.
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