Continuing the countdown of the most important cultural happenings of the last decade. Here is 40 – 31, enjoy!
40. The Smoking Ban. It took them long enough didn’t it? I do not understand the “joys” of smoking and never will, mainly due to an overwhelming power of common sense. In what seems like a bygone age, research revealed that smoking actually damages not only your health, but those around you too. Finally somebody with sizable cojones decided to stop smokers from slowly killing all those around them and turf them out onto the streets. Of course smokers believe this is a gross invasion of their human rights, but I argue that there are no human rights allowing you to slowly kill people around you like a spluttering ninja with poor lung capacity.
39. Coldplay. Now this one may seem a little frivolous, but whether you like them or not, they are (or at least were) the biggest band in the world. Possibly that title is now owned by a little Irish fella with those wierd sunglasses and his band. They have done some good songs over the past ten years, but the term Coldplay fan has become a derogatory term. Possibly it’s just a British thing. When something gets to the peak of their power and popularity, we smite them down with all our wrath. It sucks being British sometimes.
38. Carbon Footprint. This is definitely a Noughties thing. We’ve known for a while that we are effectively raping the planet we live on, yet only recently, are we aware of our personal impact. Carbon has become a buzz word of the last decade. Whether its our footprint or offsetting, we are all much more aware of tossers driving their kids around the corner to school in their hulking 4x4s guzzling gas like a fat kid eating fries in McDonalds. Of course we also know cows are partly to blame too. Their farty habits are not going unnoticed these days. Therefore vegetarians are also doing their part in destroying the planet in their own little way. Thanks a lot!
37. Paedogeddon. We have the makers of the show to thank for that snappy title. Surely paedophiles have been around a lot longer than the last ten years? But paedophilia being one of the most important cultural events of the decade is so mind numbingly depressing. I’m clearing not saying such an act is acceptable. More like they should have their dangly bits put in a vice. Finally a sensible solution for detaining these sickos. It’s time to start installing some big heavy vices in the prison system. Get writing to your local MP now!
36. Nuts and Zoo. Lad’s mags have gone from at least pretending to have acceptable journalistic content to pure titillation. Am I complaining? Probably not. But I do resent being titled as part of the Nuts and Zoo generation. These magazine’s aren’t meant to be taken too seriously. Surely there’s much more to my generation than a weekly magazine filled with boobs. I suppose we have the internet too…..
35. WAGs. Dear oh dear. The wives and girlfriends of footballers. The new career aspiration of many young girls. If you are pretty (vacuous), you may have a chance to shack up with a borderline rapist that’s being paid obscene amounts of money for ushering a round thing around a patch of grass and then into an outdoor cupboard. It’s a hard life being a footballer. All the glamour and unthinkable sums of money for doing something you love for ninety minutes a week. I’d hate it.
34. Teenage Parties. If I am part of the Nuts and Zoo generation, then the new generation coming through, is the Skins generation. Kids have always had parties. Those lovely sleepovers of the past are gone. Nowadays, it’s not a party unless you don’t know half of the people who turn up and the police get called to break it up at the end of the night.
33. Games Consoles. Technology’s greatest gift. What a selection we have to choose from. We have the humorously named Nintendo Wii for the social party gaming, we have the Xbox 360 for the hardcore gamers and we have the PS3, which is good for…erm, watching Blu Ray movies. Who would have thought that a games console would end up being considered exercise? And not just for developing really strong thumbs.
32. Electric Cars. A bit of a damp squid this entry. They haven’t really taken off yet, have they? The country simply does not have the infrastructure to support them. So unless you want to drive around with a few thousand AA batteries spare as backup, I suppose the hybrid cars will do for now. The Toyota Prius has become a symbol of hope and unbelievably smug gits. “Oh! You don’t have a hybrid car? You’re killing the planet you know? I’m doing my bit. If you’ll excuse me I’m just popping to the shops to pick up some Forrero Rocher!”
31. Dogging. This is a highlight of the decade apparently. I doubt I need to explain what dogging is, so I won’t. It has nothing to do with actual dogs. Not normally anyway. I actually laughed out loud (or lol’d for my internet peeps) when this got announced in the countdown. But I didn’t laugh for long. Soon a crushing sense of disillusionment besieged me. Dogging was more important than the smoking ban or electric cars? We’re on a slippery slope people!
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